When are you doing what is right vs doing what you think is right?

There is a big difference between regretting what you said or did and feeling sad about the outcome that followed.  I get stuck in this trap often in my interpersonal relationships.

I try very hard to be true to myself and do and say what I think is the right thing.  Many times… it blows up in my face.  I think this is usually because I try to be logical and sincere in a world where people are seeking the appearance of comfort.

But I do not regret saying or doing what I thought at the time was right, I am just sad that things did not work out the way I wanted them to.  I refuse to allow the faults of others turn me into the kind of person who behaves in ways that in their heart they do not agree with.

In the same token, however, sometimes you have no concept of how the things you say and do may have affected another person until you find yourself in similar circumstances… and I have recently come face to face with that.

Being a parent also brings with it a new set of rules.  It’s not always about doing what is “right” but rather what is “right for your child”, even when it is at your expense.   And it can be near impossible to know what that is sometimes.  This is why parents fuck up a lot.

My own parents recently showed me that one of the worst feelings in the world is feeling betrayed and attacked by the person(s) whose job it is to always protect you and be there for you.  And it made me look at some of things I said and did to someone who it was MY job to always protect and be there for.  Things I thought were right at the time and things that were actually HARD for me to do.  Things I did that I thought were in this person’s best interest.  And for the first time…  I think I actually know how I may have inadvertently made them feel.  And for that, I am deeply sorry.

I never meant to make you feel like I wasn’t on your side.  I never meant to hurt you.  All I ever wanted was what was best for you and thought what I was doing was “tough love”.  But it didn’t end like I thought it would and you got hurt in the process.  I’ll try to do better next time.  I love you.

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