It really blows my mind, the way that some people displace their anger and hate. Someone they love does them horribly wrong… and they find someone else to be the scapegoat. Someone else to direct all these wild, uncontrollable, and passionate negative emotions towards.
A perfect example of this phenomenon can often be seen in women who catch their significant other cheating. More often than not, rather than take it out on their partner, the one who betrayed them and lied to them… they take it out on the other woman. The woman, who in most cases didn’t even know that you existed. The woman, who was most likely ALSO being lied to and betrayed by the worthless sack of shit that you are both in love with.
But there you are, grabbing her by her hair and screaming in her face that she’s a “ho”. There you are, threatening her with bodily harm if she doesn’t stay away from YOUR significant other – when you should be BREAKING UP with your significant other.
And there she is, just finding out that YOU exist. Just learning that HER significant other is a cheater. HER heart just as ripped out of her chest and stomped on as yours. And there she is, with all the proof she needs standing in front of her to convince herself that you are some deranged lunatic. All the proof she needs to SYMPATHIZE with this asshole. No wonder HER man is afraid to end it with you, that poor baby.
I know WHY this happens. It happens out of weakness. It hurts too much to blame the person you love. It hurts too much to accept that they don’t love you back the same way. You need SOMEONE to demonize so that you can give your partner a pass. Because, if you don’t give them a pass you can’t justify to yourself why you are staying with them. And you HAVE to stay with them, you’ve convinced yourself you could never have anything that good with anyone else.
Except it’s a fairytale. It’s NOT that good with them, they are betraying you now and they will do it again. It was all built on lies – but you want that fiction back. “It’s all HER fault. Once she’s gone, everything will be perfect.”
This isn’t love. You think it is, but it’s actually very selfish. It’s all about making yourself feel better in the present moment at any cost. And part of that cost is your self-respect and any chance of having a healthy relationship. And it WILL catch up to you. But that doesn’t matter to you right now… that’s a problem for future you. Present you’s needs are more pressing.
It’s not just women who catch their significant other cheating, that was just a convenient example that most people can relate to. It happens every day, in all kinds of situations with friends and family members…. Even with OURSELVES. The traits inside us that we hate… and the people who hold up a mirror to our faces to force us to see them.
Rather than try to change the things about ourselves that we don’t like, we want to tear down the people who showed us or brought out those things… Like that person we are jealous of who is just SO DAMN NICE that we want to punch them in the face! Or the person that WE hurt, but because it’s too hard to deal with the guilt we find a way to make it THEIR FAULT!
Like I said… I know WHY this happens…. I just don’t know why we LET it happen (if that makes any sense).
I try very hard NOT to be that person, though I’m far from perfect so I have been guilty of it in my past and even now I am sure at times I fail. The thing that concerns me, is that I don’t think most people can even say they try not to be that person. I can’t help but feel like most people WANT to be that way, at least on a subconscious level. Or maybe it’s not that they want to be, it’s just that they’ve never really even thought about it. And so I ask you, who are you REALLY mad at?